He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
