You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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