Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
