also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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