Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
