Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
