he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
