if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
