I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
