I'm going to jail i love you
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
