Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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