So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
