she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
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I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
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He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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