she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
