Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
