My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
