I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
