Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
