I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I forget how to act sober
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
