Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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