she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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