I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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