I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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