I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
