he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
