Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
