ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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