My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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