i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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