he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
