i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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