I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
