I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
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