update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
