I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
