I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
