I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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