after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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