the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
