this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
