She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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