How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
