I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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