Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
