Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
