I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
