So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
