why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
