I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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