I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
