Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
