I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
