Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
