Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
