I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think my moral compass just broke
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
