Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
