she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
