I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
