I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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