Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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