if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize