This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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