is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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