Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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