Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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